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Let’s explore a crucial aspect of how one can more quickly heal from trauma: the power of safe relationships. While individual work is essential, having a supportive, understanding environment can dramatically accelerate our healing journey. Let’s delve into why safe relationships are so vital and how they contribute to our recovery process.
Healing from trauma, especially long-term experiences like narcissistic abuse, requires more than just personal effort. It needs:
1. Validation of our experiences
2. A safe space to express our fears and triggers
3. Compassionate listening without judgment
4. Opportunities to practice new, healthier behaviors
Safe relationships provide all of these elements, creating a nurturing environment for our wounded inner child to heal and grow.
As a re-parenting coach who has experienced narcissistic abuse, I understand firsthand the lasting impact of trauma. Even years into my current healthy relationship with my 2nd husband, I still encounter PTSD triggers stemming from my previous 28-year narcissistic marriage.
Several years ago, I experienced a powerful example of how these triggers can surface unexpectedly. One day, I left work about 30 minutes later than usual. As I got into my car, I was suddenly gripped by panic. Logically, I knew my current husband wouldn’t be upset about this minor delay, but emotionally, I was terrified.
Recognizing this as a PTSD response, I used the drive home as an opportunity to practice self-awareness and inner child work. I found myself speaking softly to my inner child, reassuring her that we were safe now, no longer bound by the harsh expectations of our past. I reminded her of our current age and that we were no longer on the timeline where the trauma occurred.
For more on how to effectively communicate with your inner child during triggering moments, check out my blog post on Inner Child Healing:
Upon arriving home, I decided to share this experience with my husband. Not to apologize, but to process my feelings and further reassure my inner child of our current safety. I calmly explained the fear I had felt and why.
His response was simple yet profoundly healing. He listened attentively, then hugged me and assured me, “You don’t ever have to worry. I’m never going to be mad at you for being home late from work.”
This moment of open communication and validation in a safe relationship was incredibly powerful in my ongoing healing process. It allowed me to release the immediate fear and reinforce for my inner child that our current reality is far different from our past. More importantly, this experience had a lasting impact. It significantly decreased the intensity of similar fears in the future and reduced the frequency of such episodes when I found myself running late. Each time I processed a trigger in this safe environment, my nervous system learned to respond differently, gradually rewiring my trauma responses.
One of the most powerful tools in healing within a relationship is open, honest communication:
Healing isn’t always straightforward, even in generally safe relationships. My journey with my current husband of seven years illustrates this perfectly. While our relationship has been loving, it has also presented challenges in areas of emotional safety. Often, his tone or lack of response to my bids for connection left me feeling unsure and emotionally vulnerable.
This dynamic meant that for years, I was unknowingly holding onto layers of trauma that I didn’t feel safe enough to release. The lack of consistent emotional validation kept certain PTSD responses hidden, even from my own awareness.
However, healing is a journey, and relationships can evolve. Over the last several months, we’ve been actively working on improving our emotional connection. My husband has made real strides in responding to my bids for connection and validating my feelings and perspectives when I share them. This conscious effort has created an additional layer of safety in our relationship.
The impact of this increased emotional safety became clear recently. One evening, I said something to my husband, and he responded with just a brief acknowledging sound, without words. This silence triggered an unexpected wave of anxiety in me. Through self-reflection, I realized this reaction stemmed from my past trauma. In my previous marriage, a quiet, seemingly calm response often preceded unpredictable outbursts.
What’s significant is that I was able to recognize this trigger and its origin precisely because I now felt safe enough to explore these feelings without fear of negative consequences. I explained to my husband how his silence had inadvertently triggered old fears, emphasizing that this was about my past trauma, not his actions.
This open communication allowed us to address the issue together, further reinforcing the growing emotional safety in our relationship and advancing my healing process. It brought to light a PTSD response that had been hidden before, showcasing how increased safety allows for deeper layers of healing to unfold.
These experiences underscore that healing is an ongoing journey, and the quality of our relationships plays a crucial role. As we create more emotionally safe spaces in our relationships, we allow ourselves to uncover and heal even the most deeply buried trauma responses. The key is recognizing our triggers, communicating openly, and working through them together in an environment of growing trust and understanding.
Whether you are the one healing or supporting someone else’s healing, here are ways to create a safer relational space:
“When we feel safe, we can bring all of ourselves to our endeavors.”
– Brené Brown
Grab yourself something to write on and take a look inward:
ALL healing begins with self-awareness. To truly heal and grow, we must first become aware of our emotions, thought patterns, and behaviors. Are we acting from a place of past trauma? Are our PTSD responses driving our actions? Knowing thyself is critical in this journey of healing and personal growth.
These 30+ page toolkits will assist you to:
Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. Each step towards creating and nurturing safe relationships is a step towards deeper healing and growth. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every small victory along the way.
With love and support on your healing journey,
Note: If you’ve experienced a dark night of the soul, OR simply need some guidance, support or a life line to assist you in your healing journey, I am here for you.
Please email me at: Please email me at: [email protected] or
Book a free 30-minute consultation with this link: https://calendly.com/30min-breakthrough-call
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