Boundaries Part 2: Unveiling the Blind Spots

“Boundaries are the distance at which I love you and me simultaneously.”

– Prentis Hemphill

This week, we are revisiting a topic that is fundamental to our healing journey: boundaries. While we have explored this before, today we are diving deeper into an aspect that often goes unnoticed – how a lack of boundaries can be a blind spot in our relationships and personal growth.

If you have been following along,

you might remember the previous blog post on boundaries:

In that post, we discussed the basics of setting healthy boundaries and how they contribute to improved relationships. Today, we are building on that foundation to explore a more nuanced aspect of boundary-setting.

THE INVISIBLE BARRIER

RECOGNIZING WHEN THERE IS A BOUNDARY ISSUE

Many of us struggle with boundaries without even realizing it. We might feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or emotionally dysregulated in our relationships, but we cannot quite put our finger on why, other than that our partner’s behavior is bothersome. This has certainly been true in my own marriage, and I would like to share a personal story that illustrates this point.

A PERSONAL STORY

THE EPIPHANY THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

For years, I felt my husband was triggering emotional dysregulation in me, but I could not understand why or how to communicate it effectively. I knew the issue was ultimately within me, so I focused all my attention inward. However, I struggled to express how a change in his behavior could support my healing, without sounding like he was the one making me feel dysregulated.

It was not until about five years into my marriage that I had a breakthrough. One day, after returning from the beach, my husband repeatedly asked if I was going to take a shower to wash off the sand. Each time he mentioned it, I felt more uncomfortable and emotionally dysregulated.

Suddenly, it hit me – this was a boundary problem that I had not communicated to him. He was crossing a line into my personal space and how I handle my hygiene, which is my responsibility alone. Due to his conditioning and childhood experiences, he also did not recognize that he was crossing this boundary.

In that moment, I was able to clearly communicate the boundary issue. His simple response? “Okay, I can see that.” And just like that, it has not been an issue since.

WHY BOUNDARIES CAN BE BLIND SPOTS

HEALING HAPPENS IN LAYERS

We often cannot see what we have been conditioned to believe or what we have experienced as our only reality, because it is hidden deep within our subconscious mind.
If we grew up without good examples of boundaries, or if our boundaries were continually crossed as children, this becomes our frame of reference.
Due to this conditioning, we simply do not have access to a perspective where boundaries are present or what it would feel like to have them.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung

WOMEN AND BOUNDARIES

THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES FOR WOMEN TODAY

Recognizing and setting boundaries for women is clouded by decades upon decades of conditioning in a society that supports patriarchal beliefs.

Women have been taught to prioritize others’ needs over their own.
They often fear conflict when asserting boundaries, due to past experiences in a patriarchal framework.
Many women experience guilt and shame associated with setting boundaries.

Most women have lacked strong female role models for boundary-setting.

MEN AND BOUNDARIES

THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES FOR MEN TODAY

Recognizing and respecting boundaries for men is challenged by their own unique conditioning within a patriarchal society:

Men often face societal expectations to be assertive and decisive.
Many men can lack awareness of the subtle communication cues of others.
Men may experience privilege blindness and model behavior from authority figures.
Some men misinterpret boundary-crossing as ‘care’ or ‘protection’.
Often men fear vulnerability and have not faced consequences for boundary violations.

TYPES OF BOUNDARIES

SIX AREAS IN WHICH TO DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND

Physical: Personal space, privacy, and body
Emotional: Protecting your feelings and emotional energy
Time: Managing your time and commitments
Intellectual: Respecting thoughts, ideas, and beliefs
Material: Involving possessions and money
Digital: Setting limits on technology use and online sharing

Healthy boundaries CAN BE flexible and CAN EVOLVE as we grow.

AFFIRMATIONS TO ASSIST

REPETITION IS THE MOTHER OF LEARNING

Instead of ruminating over behaviors of others, or thinking negative thoughts, say these empowering statements over and over in your mind, or out loud to yourself.

“I am aware of my needs and capable of setting healthy boundaries.”
“I am creating a safe space for myself through clear and respectful boundaries.”
“My boundaries are an act of self-love and self-respect.”
“I honor my boundaries and the boundaries of others.”

“Setting boundaries is a courageous act of self-love” – Lisa Watson

JOURNAL PROMPTS / REFLECTIVE Q'S

DEEPENING YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF SELF

Can you think of a recurring frustration in one of your relationships?
How might this be related to a boundary issue?
In which areas do you feel most comfortable setting boundaries?
Which areas are more challenging?
Who may have been responsible for shaping and modeling your beliefs and understanding around boundaries?
What is your greatest challenge to overcoming this conditioning?
What is a boundary you can set this week to practice this skill?

TAKE THE FIRST STEP TO ESTABLISHING BETTER BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF

I have carefully curated and designed two Self-Awareness Toolkits, just for you!! START NOW to change the subconscious beliefs that are keeping you from creating the boundaries you need and desire.

BREAK YOUR UNHEALTHY PATTERNS NOW

I AM READY FOR CHANGE

Here is to uncovering our blind spots and creating healthier boundaries,

With love and gratitude,

Note:If you’re finding it challenging to identify where you need stronger boundaries, or if you would like support in your (re)parenting journey, I’m here to offer support and guidance.

Email me at [email protected], or

Book a free 30 minute consultation with this link: https://calendly.com/30min-breakthrough-call