The Path to Emotional Intelligence via Validation

“When children are listened to, they learn to listen to themselves, developing an inner sense of value and trust.”

– Janet Lansbury (educator, author, and child development expert)

Last week, we explored the magic of moving outside your comfort zone to unlock your fullest potential. If you missed that newsletter, you can catch up by reading the blog HERE.

This week, we will focus on a crucial aspect of the (re)Parenting journey: validating feelings, both for our children and ourselves. When we create a safe space for authentic emotional expression, we foster deeper connections and inner trust.

As children, many of us were conditioned to believe that our feelings and behaviors were unacceptable.

Well-intentioned parents and caregivers often use phrases like the ones below.

15 PHRASES / QUESTIONS TO AVOID

1. "Why did you do that?"
2. "What's wrong with you?"
3. "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
4. "Stop crying."
5. "Don't be sad."
6. "You should be happy."
7. "It's not a big deal, get over it."
8. "Don't be upset, it was an accident"
9. "You're fine, get up!"
10. “You never listen.”
11. “Stop whining.”
12. “Why can’t you just behave?”
13. “Knock it off!”
14. “Give grandma a hug or she will be sad.”
15. "Why do you have to be so difficult?"

These messages, repeated over time, train us to neglect our authentic selves and become people-pleasers. We learn that it's not safe to express our true emotions, leading to a disconnection from our inner world.

It is important to understand that from birth to around age 8, children are predominantly in a theta brainwave state, which is a hypnotic, highly suggestible state. During this time, their frontal lobe, responsible for rational thinking and language, is not fully developed. This means that everything we say to them becomes their truth, shaping their beliefs and self-perception.

When children are experiencing big feelings, they often struggle to express them through language. Instead, they communicate through their behavior – hitting, acting out, saying mean things, or seeking attention in any way they can. These are all attempts to be seen, heard, and accepted.

As adults, we have the opportunity to break this cycle by validating our own feelings and those of our children. When we acknowledge and accept emotions without judgment, we create a safe space for genuine self-expression.

By guiding our children through these exercises and modeling healthy emotional expression ourselves, we can help them develop a strong foundation of inner trust and self-acceptance..

Here are some tips for validating feelings:

Listen actively and empathetically, without interrupting or trying to fix the problem.
Acknowledge the emotion without judgment, using phrases like "I understand you're feeling sad" or "It's okay to be angry."
Avoid minimizing or dismissing feelings, even if they seem irrational or exaggerated.
Help children name their emotions, expanding their emotional vocabulary.
Encourage open communication by sharing your own feelings and experiences.

Remember, validating feelings doesn’t mean condoning inappropriate behavior. It’s about creating a safe space for authentic expression while

As we practice validating our children's feelings, it's equally important to extend that same compassion and acceptance to ourselves. Our inner child also craves to be seen, heard, and accepted.

This week, I invite you to notice when you’re judging or dismissing your own feelings. Can you offer yourself the same validation and understanding you would extend to a child? Can you create a safe inner space for your authentic emotions to be expressed?

By embracing our true feelings and modeling healthy emotional expression, we break free from the conditioning that once kept us trapped in people-pleasing patterns. We reclaim our authentic selves and create a ripple effect of healing for generations to come.

Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. With the right tools, guidance, and support, you can create a safe space for authentic self-expression, both for your children and yourself.

I encourage you to explore the “Emotional Regulation for Kids” toolkit that I have carefully crafted to assist caregivers and children in developing healthy emotional behaviors and self-acceptance. This powerful resource is designed to help both children and parents develop a high emotional intelligence, learn effective coping strategies, and build self-confidence.

GET THE TOOLKIT HERE

Here’s to fostering emotional intelligence and self-love through validating feelings and embracing our true, authentic selves.

A TOOLKIT TO ASSIST YOU AND THE CHILDREN IN YOUR LIFE!

I have carefully curated and designed this comprehensive toolkit to guide you and the children in your lives to build emotional regulation skills.

It includes over 10 tools to assist you and your child and doubles as a coloring book.

Here’s to a week full of adventure of growth, through discomfort,

Note: If you would like some support or a life line to assist you in developing emotional intelligence in your child or yourself, I am here for you.

Please email me at: Please email me at: [email protected] or

Book a free 30-minute consultation with this link: https://calendly.com/30min-breakthrough-call